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How Can Christians Discern If Their Partner Is the Right Person to Marry?

It is both amazing and terrifying that God gives Christians the freedom to decide for themselves who they should date and marry. Sure, God will help them and guide them through His Word. But ultimately, the choice belongs to the Christians themselves.

David Silker, senior leader at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, said selecting the right partner need not be terrifying if Christians adhere to God’s principles about dating, courtship and marriage.

“As we begin to grow in understanding of the love of Jesus, it is easier to grow in our understanding of His vision for our marriage,” he wrote in an article for Charisma News. “We do not have to fear that we will miss out or choose the wrong person. Jesus is committed to transforming our definition and understanding of the right person, which makes it really hard to follow our hearts to the wrong place.”

Mid adult couple on armchair in new home

For men, Silker said they have to look at Proverbs 31 in choosing the right woman to marry. Instead of gauging the woman based on her attractiveness, Silker said men should measure the scope of her heart. They should ask themselves, “Will this be a woman I will respect in the decades to come?”

If the woman can hold the man’s attention beyond her physical attractiveness, and if she holds the same convictions as him, then Silker said the seeds of romance will ultimately blossom. It is also important to note if the woman has oriented her heart rightly towards Jesus.

As for women, Silker said they should look to Ephesians 5 as a guide. “That young man who is seeking to win your heart — where is his heart going? While he may be a rough stone in the moment, is there a jewel underneath waiting to be discovered?” he asked.

Silker said the secret he always gives young women when it comes to dating is pretty simple. He told them to watch how the man treats waiters and waitresses whenever they are out on a date.

“How does he treat them? Are they beneath him, related to his money and temporary power over them, or does he treat them with kindness, dignity and genuine interest?” he said. “I find this secret test of the heart to be a far more effective one than the ‘mom test,’ which can be deceiving. Failing this test is never a deal-breaker in the relationship, but this brief window into his heart is a great opening for asking certain questions related to how he views you, your future, and your destiny.”


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