Our ancestors once said that when you see your friend’s head being shaven, know that you are next in line. Divorces are on the rise in Kenya. Four divorcees share their experiences.
Robert Burale, 41, emcee, mentor and motivational speaker: I should have spent more time with her
The whirlwind romance…
I met my ex-wife at a Gospel concert in 2012. She has the voice of an angel.
We courted for five months and then got married in the same year. Everybody said we were rushing it but we were in love, in hindsight, we should have listened. We dated, courted, paid dowry and got married all within five months. Her parents were okay.
It broke down so fast…
I wish I had communicated better with her, listened to her. I also wish I spent more time with her. It’s not that I was travelling or working a lot but sometimes you can be in the same room as someone else but you are not really spending time together.
There was also outside influence from friends. Nobody gets into marriage wanting it to fail. Mine failed after one year, two days! It was painful and depressing. I tried to hide it for a while. For four months, I was still putting on my ring.
It was hard to pretend because I was a preacher. There was no infidelity in our marriage, but we should have cultivated our friendship more because this is what holds a marriage together. We should have been friends first.
I married a great woman. We didn’t get a child together. Today, I have no regrets. If you asked me that two or three months after my marriage collapsed, I’d have said it differently because there was a lot of anger and depression.
People ask us why I teach about marriage and mine failed. But you see, I’m in a good position to tell men what not to do in marriage if you want it to stand. There are many counselors with qualifications but there’s nothing as good as the experience.
Would I marry again? I do not have the grace to be single. It can get lonely because you do not have anyone to share life with.
But, the greatest impediment to an already divorced person dating or marrying again is the fear of making a mistake. But I’m praying about it.
Robinson Kimani, 54, a businessman and carpenter: Next time, I will be a better provider
We were happy…
I was 26, she was 23. We courted for 12 years and eventually had a Church wedding in 1990. Later in the same year, we were blessed with our first child. I was happy, we were happy.