It doesn’t take much to cause a downward spiral in a relationship, especially if we tend to look out for our own interests and blame our partner when things go wrong. However, we can also be the catalyst that creates an upward spiral. How? By taking responsibility for our own reactions and behaviour and by loving our partner whether we feel like it or not.
What one action could you take today to show love to your partner in a way that will make them feel loved?
4. Put being an ‘us’ first. When we get married, we form a ‘we’ or ‘us’ and how we behave and respond in that relationship will either help to protect, build and nurture that ‘us’ or it will hurt, harm and ultimately destroy it.
When things aren’t going our way in a relationship it can be tempting to talk in terms or ‘you’ and ‘I’. Normally where ‘I’ is in the right and ‘you’ are in the wrong. But thinking and talking in terms of an ‘us’ can be much more productive.
Why not try it this week? Instead of telling your partner what he or she can do better, why not ask: “How can we improve this situation?”
It is a tiny change but it could make a big difference.
5. Be their number one fan. Most of us like it when we are appreciated, respected, encouraged, known and understood. I expect your spouse is the same. How could you show them that you are their number one fan? Do you need to listen more, spend more time with them, seek to understand them more, take more responsibility, show them more intimacy, encourage them, support them more or do something else?
Researcher Judith Wallerstein did a study into how people define “happy” in their marriage. In her book, The Good Marriage, she explained the result:
“For everyone, happiness in a marriage meant feeling respected and cherished… for a surprising number love grew in the rich soil of marriage, nourished by emotional and physical intimacy, appreciation, and fond memories… all felt that they were central to their partner’s world and believed that creating a marriage and a family was the major commitment of their adult life.”
And if that isn’t a good enough reason to keep on cherishing, then do it because you promised to.
