Measurement allows you to avoid the sand traps of fantasy, denial or, worse, verbal reality. How many of us had parents or friends who smoked? Fantasy allows you to totally live unaware of the reality you are in. Many people live in fantasy about their health, wealth, relationships, how they grew up, their sexual past and parenting.
Denial is different. Denial is you really do know the truth. For example, you are overweight, compulsive, angry and afraid but you just plain pretend it’s not true. “I’m not angry,” while you are yelling at a child or spouse. Denial is when you know you don’t have the money to pay the credit card, but you’re spending like you can. Denial knows the status. It just ignores the facts.
Verbal reality means if you say it, it is true, and if you say it with feeling, it’s really true. If a man tells his wife, “I love you,” it’s true, especially if he says it emotionally. Yet he won’t work, is disrespectful and is at times physically abusive and runs around on her with other women. He doesn’t love her: he is in verbal reality. He thinks because he says “I love you” that it is true, regardless of his behavior. Behavior is true, and it is not how you feel about it.
In reality, I know it can be hard, but when we are trying to get control over our lives, facts are our friends! They are measures of how we are doing. Facts are like those rails you drive your car into when you get your car washed. They keep you in the middle so the process can work.
